Projects (as of late)

I was recently introduced to filmmaker Tyler Measom, who I've since discovered is incredibly talented and someone I am excited to learn a lot from. I'm working very part time for him to help promote his recently-finished film, Sons of Perdition. It's an amazing, heartwarming documentary about three boys exiled from Warren Jeffs' polygamous compound in Colorado City, AZ, and it's already caught the attention of Oprah (she acquired the film to be part of her upcoming Documentary Film Club)!

When it finally does get a theatrical release, I would highly recommend going to see it. It will make you want to get involved and help those kids. Here's a link to the trailer in case you're interested.


Also, the three boys featured in the film are now living in Salt Lake City. Having to fend for themselves, they are always looking for work. If anyone knows of any kind of construction job that opens up, let me know. They are all hard workers and have a lot of experience doing pretty much any kind of construction project.

I'm back!

Artist Profile: Zachary Proctor from Miaken Christensen on Vimeo.So I realized that basically no one reads the blog on my little portfolio site, so I've come crawling back to this one in hopes of re-connecting with you guys! Plus I want your feedback on my work.

Speaking of which, guess who's got a new mini-profile piece? Here's the latest one I did for Mondo Fine Art. Feel free to offer feedback--likes, dislikes, ideas for my next one--as I always find it really helpful.

Artist Profile: Zachary Proctor from Miaken Christensen on Vimeo.

New Blog

Hi Everybody,

Just thought I'd let you know that I have a new blog I'll be posting to at www.miaken.com. If you want you can check it out sometime! Not a lot up yet but working on it...

Happy Blogging!

Bring on the Bangkok

With Trent's recent medical issues, we've been tied to Bangkok until he is better. We are going on our 10th day here, and Trent's progress is slow but somewhat steady. All in all, we're just glad he's alive and on the road to recovery.

That said, we've had a LOT of time to kill here. Conor hopped a plain to Taipei to visit some friends, leaving Jentry and I to explore the city and find ways to entertain ourselves.

One way we do that is by finding Chenglish phraseology on items sold throughout the city. Chenglish is a word Conor uses to describe the broken-English phrases placed on t-shirts and other products by Asian marketing gurus. The goal, I presume, is to connect with Americans and those fascinated by American culture. The beauty of Chenglish (or in this case I guess it would be Thailish) is that the words are often random and make absolutely no sense whatsoever, causing copious amounts of laughter from the likes of me and Jentry.

For example. The other day I was at the market and found this little gem. 

I rain cloud UK. Um...what? I don't think anyone really knows what this means, but apparently it sounded good when they went to print. Also, the Grocery Store brand description is very helpful, as shown below.

Today at the Grand Palace (one of Bangkok's biggest tourist attractions) Jentry noticed another diamond in the rough--the Mickey Mouse umbrella. Only, the locals seem to have come up with their own words to describe the American icon.

Somehow I don't think 'Lovely Rat' would have gone over as well with American kids. I can see it now: "Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me...L-O-V-E-L-Y R-A-T!"

But the real find, in my opinion, was a beauty product I spotted at a street vendor stall. At first glance, it looks like any other product.

But after giving it a second look, I realized it was actually quite special. See for yourself.

I was baffled as to what a horniness-eliminating cream actually did, and I wasn't sure why it also mentioned whitening. Did it simultaneously eliminate sex drive and plaque? So i asked the vendor lady. She sampled it on my hand and I realized it was an exfoliating body scrub. I guess the best word they could come up with to describe rough skin was horny, hence the anti-horniness messaging. 

You too can dispel horniness in 30 seconds! Perfect for engaged couples.

Reading the usage descriptions was equally enjoyable. 

I'm guessing Asians find it equally humorous when they see Americans walking around with those Chinese symbol tattoos which they think say 'faith' or 'serenity' but in reality say something like, 'I is happy making' or 'smiling I do'. 

Anyway, in addition to Thailish novelties, we've managed to take in some of the cool local attractions as well. Bangkok is actually a really cool city. And even though we are here indefinitely and it's hard at times because everything is so up in the air, we've managed to find some new area of the city to explore each day. Here are a few photos from our exploration... 

 

Grand Palace grounds

Emerald Buddha

Ornate decor on exterior of temples

Jentry in front of a temple that is completely gold.

Beautiful white temples on the grounds.

Street vendors line the sidewalks of Bangkok.

Sukhumvit 7/1. One of many interesting side streets throughout the city.

Enjoying the best chicken schwarma sandwich ever. When we asked for the menu, an Egyptian guy looked at us, then pointed at the two skewers and said, "I have beef. I have Chicken. I am Muhammad." I opted for Chicken.

How do, Hanoi?

So we made it. After almost a year of planning, we finally arrived in Hanoi, the first stop along our two-month itinerary. 

As soon as we exited the plane, we were welcomed to the country, given surgical masks, and our temperatures were taken. Swine flu really has these people paranoid--they even escorted someone off the plane to quarantine him.

So far, I've seen and smelled and tasted things I didn't know existed. For example; I didn't know there was a place in the world where people boil duck eggs just before they hatch and eat them. But apparently baby duck fetuses are a real hit in Hanoi, so naturally we had to try one (and naturally I almost puked). We also tried some silkworms, which were surprisingly tasty. It's like pork in worm form.

There are literally hundreds of thousands or motorcycles here. It's like this glorified biker gang at all times. People ride them into buildings, on sidewalks, and park them wherever they want. There aren't really traffic laws here, so they do whatever they can to just keep moving forward, which results in some chaotic driving experiences. They carry astronomical amounts of crap on them, also. So far we've seen people carrying 20-ft long rhubarb, 8-10 large boxes, trees and even a stash of 8 live pigs on motorcycles at various times.

Another random gem of the trip: our hotel was rented out by the 30-or-so Norwegians who live here to celebrate National Norwegian Day. We kind of crashed the party, but they were warm and welcoming and asked us to join in the fun while a magician performed. The awesome factor of this was very high, but I'll let the picture speak for itself.

But, of course, one of the most significant highlights so far was walking into a restaurant our first day in Hanoi and seeing the cutest weiner dog ever! It looked like a bigger version of Lenny, named Colin. Conor decided it was a good omen. He was so friendly with all of us but decided he liked Conor as more than a friend and proceeded to hump his leg throughout dinner. 

We've successfully documented school children, crazy street life, and feedback from two of Hanoi's most knowledgeable Americans/ex-pats, Lady Borton and Chuck Searcy. Jentry has written about them at http://southeastasiadoc.blogspot.com/ (he will be documenting most of the trip, and he's already posted an amazing entry. Pretty much all the photographs I'll be using are taken by him and Conor, both of whom are fantastic photographers).

Best People Watching. Ever.

By now you all probably know about my slightly-abnormal obsession with weiner dogs. But the people I'm about to show your are side-show freaks compared to me.

Let me explain. You see, I attended the Weiner Dog National Races this summer in Huntington Beach, Ca. That's right, HB has more to offer than good surfing and overly-bronzed women. It plays host to one of the funniest events of the year, providing some of the best people watching I've ever seen in a wanna-be German town called, well, Germantown. You'll know you've arrived when you see the liederhosen-clad mannequins in the corner window posed in a somewhat quesitonable position. Wish I had a photo of that.

Upon arriving at the mostly-stucco, fake-cobblestone-lined 'town' (surreal I tell you), we were greeted with the yips of more than 50 weiner dogs. Sheer heaven.

But what was really great was the one-of-a-kind people watching. I expected it would be good, but the place was packed with neurotic weiner dog fans, each routing for their prized pup. Not only that, but the percentage of white trash weiner dog owners was very high. Here's a father-son duo sampling for your enjoyment...bringing the feel and speed of nascar to a much smaller venue...

So anyway, people took this event seriously. So seriously, in fact, that one couple even had a business card made...for their dog. That's right, their precious Baby Love had her own business card. Two actually--one for the movie she was featured in and one for her appearance in a local artist's exhibit. As you probably deduced, the couple was incredibly proud of their baby. They had an entire roller-suitcase full of accesories and such for the dog. She was clearly their pride and joy. And yes his shirt does say, "Beward of My Weiner."

Then there were the weiner-dog owners who actually aged wet cat food a month in advance to serve as incentive for the little guys to run full speed ahead. Take this scary woman in black, for example. She approached her pooch at the starting line every heat, and shoved the month-old delight in her dog's face. This resulted in a frenzy of flailing on the weiner dog's part, during which the woman would yell in a high-pitched voice, "Ya, come on! Ya!' combined with a dog-like howl. Yes this really happened. Every time.

Then, once her job was done, her husband would hold the dog close enough to whisper encouraging words of wisdom in its ear. Things like, 'Come on, you can do this! Win this baby, win this! Run to mama, run to mama!' And with each emphatic phrase, he would almost shake the dog, as if to REALLY pump the little guy up.

There were even times when the opposing weiner dog owners, standing side by side at the start line, would allow their dogs to 'fight' while holding them mid air. Apparently this gets them even more excited and ready to run.

I think my favorite moment, however, was watching this guy. After every heat, he'd get on his knees, wait for the weiner dogs to finish, and greet them with a congratulatory snack. He was so into it that he didn't notice Zach taking photos of him. Kim described his smile perfectly: "It kind of looks like an 'I love this race; come here little weiner dog and get some treats and then I'll kill you' smile."

In the end, a little brown and white pup named Hot Rod took first. And he deserved it; he was definitely the speediest of the bunch. It must have been the stench of that month-old surprise that won him the gold.

The best part about this event was the price. An hour-long festival of weiner dog madness for a buck. One dollar. Endless entertainment.

Enjoy the rest of these photos so eloquently captured by Zach and Gentry. Well done boys.

Need a Hero? Look no further.

For all of you who think weener dogs are only good for one thing--looking hilarious when running at full speed--you're right. And I think we can all agree that alone is worth purchasing one.

But in some cases, we find that weener dogs are worth far more than a good laugh, as was proved by Annie the weener dog recently when she heroically saved her owner. Sorta.

It just goes to show there's more to a long dog with short legs than meets the eye. Kinda like transformers.

Click the photo to watch the news segment...



Highlights for me: The owner's impression of the dog and the fact that the intersection where the incident occurred was Deemar and Mardee; hmmm...sounds like someone was strapped for unique street names...

Thanks to Audrey for sending me the link to this breaking news story... :)

Please don't try this at home...

I was reminded a couple nights ago of a serious issue we face in Utah. As my friend Kim and I entered a certain tourism agency, we were greeted by three receptionists, all of whom had big hair. The one in the middle, however, far outdid her friends. Her hair was, to be exact, Utah hair.

Now, for those of you who don't know, Utah hair is when a perfectly attractive woman makes herself less attractive (or as some would say, 'scary looking') by ratting her hair to the point where it stands a good four inches above her head all on its own. This requires lots of hair spray, lots of back-combing and a lack of honest friends.

Here we see a young girl who's mother threw her on the 'Utah Hair' train early on. Poor little thing will never know any different...



Some take it a step further, and instead of just ratting for volume, they actually rat their hair into a certain beehive shape. And it's not one of the glam-60's beehives we're talking about. It looks more like a ball, trapped under a layer of ratted hair on the back, top, or side of the head. Such was the case for our receptionist friend the other night, only she tripled her efforts. She had one beehive ball on each side of her head, and then one in the back. It was like a triangle of ratted love. If I knew her better, I might have simply called her 'triangle head'. Here's an example of the beehive ball, as captured by Kim (click on the photo to check out her Utah Hair blog). This lovely lady even added a mini pony tail to the back, making her head look like a hairy tadpole of sorts.



For me, this concept will never make sense. I can't figure out how people convince themselves that this looks good or natural. In fact, I think it's as unnatural (and equally as funny) as this:



or this:



And reminds me of a bad version of this:



So for anyone out there stuck with 'Utah Hair' syndrome, just know there's a way out. The first step is to wash your hair. Several times. Next you'll want to throw away your ratting comb and any hair spray you own. Then, simply brush through your hair (feels good, doesn't it?) and let nature do the rest. People might not gawk at you as much, but remember, it was never a good gawk to begin with---they were mostly just in awe of your hair. And by awe I mean they were laughing at you. Plain and simple.

Treat her right, ya'll

Recently I re-joined the ranks of SLC singles, so I thought for this post I'd find white trash break-up stories or something equally as funny to help with the breakup blues. Instead, I remembered that Mother's Day is coming up, and my friend Kim Frost sent me a truly touching video a few years back that really captures the essence of cherishing our dear mothers. It involves Mr. T, three soccer-mom backup singers, and a slew of horrible acting. Please enjoy viewing this fine production here:



So move over breakup blues. There's no room for sadness as I watch Mr T rap lyrics like, "Mothas. There are no othas."

Well said, Mr. T. Well said.

Just because. I needed something ridiculously cute to look at today. Thanks for the link, Ali!