Please don't try this at home...

I was reminded a couple nights ago of a serious issue we face in Utah. As my friend Kim and I entered a certain tourism agency, we were greeted by three receptionists, all of whom had big hair. The one in the middle, however, far outdid her friends. Her hair was, to be exact, Utah hair.

Now, for those of you who don't know, Utah hair is when a perfectly attractive woman makes herself less attractive (or as some would say, 'scary looking') by ratting her hair to the point where it stands a good four inches above her head all on its own. This requires lots of hair spray, lots of back-combing and a lack of honest friends.

Here we see a young girl who's mother threw her on the 'Utah Hair' train early on. Poor little thing will never know any different...



Some take it a step further, and instead of just ratting for volume, they actually rat their hair into a certain beehive shape. And it's not one of the glam-60's beehives we're talking about. It looks more like a ball, trapped under a layer of ratted hair on the back, top, or side of the head. Such was the case for our receptionist friend the other night, only she tripled her efforts. She had one beehive ball on each side of her head, and then one in the back. It was like a triangle of ratted love. If I knew her better, I might have simply called her 'triangle head'. Here's an example of the beehive ball, as captured by Kim (click on the photo to check out her Utah Hair blog). This lovely lady even added a mini pony tail to the back, making her head look like a hairy tadpole of sorts.



For me, this concept will never make sense. I can't figure out how people convince themselves that this looks good or natural. In fact, I think it's as unnatural (and equally as funny) as this:



or this:



And reminds me of a bad version of this:



So for anyone out there stuck with 'Utah Hair' syndrome, just know there's a way out. The first step is to wash your hair. Several times. Next you'll want to throw away your ratting comb and any hair spray you own. Then, simply brush through your hair (feels good, doesn't it?) and let nature do the rest. People might not gawk at you as much, but remember, it was never a good gawk to begin with---they were mostly just in awe of your hair. And by awe I mean they were laughing at you. Plain and simple.