But two years was the reality for one Kansas woman who was recently found attached to her boyfriend's toilet after sitting on it for two years straight. Attached---as in, her skin had grown over the thing.
Apparently after her boyfriend brought her food and water daily for two years, he finally called the police and said, 'I think there's something wrong with my girlfriend.' Wow.
So why did he wait two years? I have my speculations. Part of me thinks it's one of those back-woods bragging rights things. Like, at their next BBQ, between bouts of drunkeness and discussions of the latest monster-truck rally, toilet-woman's boyfriend pipes up with something like,
'Hey man, check this out--my woman sat on ma toilet fer so long her ass done got attached to it. Like some kind of alien-ass-toilet thing. I aint shittin' ya, man--and I got the photos to prove it.'
OR maybe he held out in hopes that it would make for a good story to tell their kids.
'Hey baby, 'member that one time when you was on the toilet so long your ass grew 'round it? Now that's commitment, kids--you remember that.'
I guess I can't really understand why he didn't do something sooner, or how exactly she managed to sit like that for two years. But if she really wanted to do it, she should have thought about some better options.
She could have used a double-wide toilet to go with the trailer. That way she and her boyfriend could have had quality time together while she worked on becoming one with the toilet.
Or she could have at least been productive while on her toilet journey. Think of the millions she could have made trading stocks online.
And last but not least, the best option for Toilet-Seat-Ass-Growers on the go. The TSAG seat (pronounced 'sag').
Check out the actual article. Straight-up creepy. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,337232,00.html
Disclaimer: The fact that this happened in Kansas does not in any way reflect how all Kansans act (i.e. me).
3 comments:
Dude...you freakin kill me...you know there is this restaurant here called the Jasmin. Yuppers, right inside that cute little asian bathroom of theirs lies a stall with not one, but two toilets in it. I had a dream that I could only use that stall...or die...and well, let's just say I ended up dieing because I wouldn't share...call me selfish, but that is the way I am!
...just when I think your posts couldn't get any better. Thanks for entertaining the whole RD staff at United Way!
You've got to be kidding me. You can't make up stuff that strange.
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