The Heat is On

It's recently been brought to my attention that this Friday, April 4th, 2008, will mark the best halftime show in the history of Utah Jazz basketball games: Weiner Dog Racing.

That's right, only a few days from now tiny weiner dogs will run full speed across the court for a chance to win big. I'm not really sure what it is they will win; all I know is that I will be there to witness it.

If I had a weiner dog I would probably race it using one of these 'wein-o-racers', as they are called. It reminds me of head gear, and I really, really wish I could see this thing in action. Really.

Toilet Trivia

Now, we've all been there. Those moments when nature calls, and we are bound to the bathroom for extended periods of time. Five mintues, 10 minutes...maybe even half an hour. But two years? Now that's just gross.

But two years was the reality for one Kansas woman who was recently found attached to her boyfriend's toilet after sitting on it for two years straight. Attached---as in, her skin had grown over the thing.

Apparently after her boyfriend brought her food and water daily for two years, he finally called the police and said, 'I think there's something wrong with my girlfriend.' Wow.

So why did he wait two years? I have my speculations. Part of me thinks it's one of those back-woods bragging rights things. Like, at their next BBQ, between bouts of drunkeness and discussions of the latest monster-truck rally, toilet-woman's boyfriend pipes up with something like,

'Hey man, check this out--my woman sat on ma toilet fer so long her ass done got attached to it. Like some kind of alien-ass-toilet thing. I aint shittin' ya, man--and I got the photos to prove it.'

OR maybe he held out in hopes that it would make for a good story to tell their kids.

'Hey baby, 'member that one time when you was on the toilet so long your ass grew 'round it? Now that's commitment, kids--you remember that.'

I guess I can't really understand why he didn't do something sooner, or how exactly she managed to sit like that for two years. But if she really wanted to do it, she should have thought about some better options.

She could have used a double-wide toilet to go with the trailer. That way she and her boyfriend could have had quality time together while she worked on becoming one with the toilet.











Or she could have at least been productive while on her toilet journey. Think of the millions she could have made trading stocks online.

















And last but not least, the best option for Toilet-Seat-Ass-Growers on the go. The TSAG seat (pronounced 'sag').















Check out the actual article. Straight-up creepy. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,337232,00.html

Disclaimer: The fact that this happened in Kansas does not in any way reflect how all Kansans act (i.e. me).

Happy Dog

My brother, Trent, travels the world for his work. He's lived all over and seen a lot of cool things. To be honest, I am green with envy. While I sit at my desk and stare at the computer all day long, he's exploring places like Pataya, Thailand, hanging out with the likes of this obese weener dog.

Now, I'm not even sure it's a weener dog...but it looks like a giant, ridiculously-overweight version of one. It's sad, cute, funny and weird all rolled into one.

Trent fed him a hot dog and dubbed him the 'happiest dog in the world' since all he does is sit in the cafe and eat. I thought this picture might help you get through your Monday afternoon...at your computer. Ugh.